


Glass Wall

by DreamingIsAlwaysPossible



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Dorm Life - Freeform, How Do I Tag, I ask myself that every time, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Mentioned NCT 127 Ensemble, Mentioned NCT Dream Ensemble, No Death Depicted, No Death Described, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23365555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingIsAlwaysPossible/pseuds/DreamingIsAlwaysPossible
Summary: Dream have been acting weird around him and Haechan doesn't understand why. He takes comfort in his 127- hyungs but he still ends up in the embrace of his peers.(I have no idea how to summarise this story but I did my best)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 73





	Glass Wall

Days in the dorm are the same as they’ve always been. 127 are back for a break now so most of his time is spent in the dorm or training with dream. As much as he enjoys spending time with the ones his age, he missed his hyungs when they stayed longer in America a few weeks back. He had gone home because of schedules with dream while they stayed. The dorm was so silent without them that he chose to move back to his previously abandoned room in the dream dorm. But now he’s back to sleeping with them in the 127-dorm. 

Donghyuck goes about his schedule as usual, as much as he can. He has much more free time than usual but he doesn’t feel like he can really appreciate it. He’s feeling lonely and distanced from the rest even though they are right there.

They all try to make the most of their spare time, some staying with their families a few nights as far as he knows, but always coming back to the dorm, to this family they have created here. 

On some days when a lot of them are out on the same day and it can get almost eerily silent. Donghyuck has found that the best way to get rid of that is to put on some music, the most efficient being their own albums. Some of the members complain for show, but Hyuck doesn’t mind as long as the music makes them all gather with him in the living room.

***

When he tries to hug Mark the other slips through his fingers as always. He knows the other isn’t keen on hugs and the likes, at least not from Donghyuck it seems, but he wished Mark would realise he just wants some cuddles. 

Taeil and the ‘95-line all have the usual comforting words for him but all he wants is some time with his best friend. It’s not the same to sit bundled up in soft blankets and watch movies with them, no matter how much he enjoys how they indulge him. 

When he bribes Jaehyun or Jungwoo to go out to eat with him, saying it’s his treat, there is more food left than usual. Even the fact that there is food left is surprising, they are after all almost constantly training. Maybe it’s the break that’s affecting them. Not training as much giving them less of an appetite, or perhaps they are just watching their diets. 

Whatever the case may be he’s just grateful for every chance to spend time with them outside of the dorm. He’s been staying there for a little more than a week now while he spends his days with dream.

With Doyoung he can talk about why the rest of dream has been acting so strange. He confides in him about his fears and Doyoung listens, as patient as ever. He even offers to talk to the others about it if Hyuck needs him to but Hyuck dismisses it and instead asks if they can sing together. Doyoung smiles and asks which song he have in mind.

***

When he’s with dream they are less hyper than usual. Some of them, like Chenle and Jeno, avoid his eyes while Jaemin and Renjun nag more than usual. He feels uneasy with them, they don’t respond to his banter the way they used to. They are not like they used to. So instead of feeling their stares and seeing the looks they share, like they know something he doesn’t, he flees back to the comfort of his hyungs at the dorm. Their reassuring words and constant encouragement. It’s better there despite the new distance he can feel growing between him and Mark. 

It’s better there. 

Still not good.

At least not good enough.

***

Some days Hyuck wonders if he’s being selfish and greedy with how much he just wants Mark back to the way it used to be. 

He doesn’t get where this new, unwanted space between them comes from but he wants it gone.

***

One day the rest of dream drop by. He saw them just yesterday during practice but he’s glad to see them despite the changed atmosphere.

“Haechanie, we missed you at the dorm last night, why won’t you join us there anymore?” Jaemin asks kneeling on the floor in front of him with Renjun and Jeno on either side of him. He can see Jungwoo sitting at the counter in the kitchen laughing with Yuta and Mark, but it’s like someone put a glass wall between them, the sound not fully reaching him. He wants to push away the three from dream around him, he only feels the distance to his 127-hyungs when they are near. 

But then he sees Jisung and Chenle standing in the doorway to the hallway uncertain and he can’t get himself to put more space between them. 

Chenle is standing there looking so frail. Jisung supporting him while tears slide down his face. Their maknae is crying because of him. Because he’s here again. He doesn’t get it, what’s so wrong with him staying with their hyungs? Mark did it often too, when he was in both units. 

“I just want to spend some time with hyungs. I didn’t mean to push you away.” Except he did. He don’t get why they look at him like they pity him or are afraid of him. He’s looking at the floor, can’t stand to see the younger ones look so broken. Because of him. Because it’s his fault, isn’t it? They only look like that when they see him, like he’s a reminder of everything horrible. 

Since he’s looking at the floor he completely misses when Renjun flinched at what he said. 

“I missed them so when they were in America, you know. I just want to spend time with them.” He pauses and considers his next words.

“I also can’t stand how you look at me.” He whispers as if to spare the two youngest at the edge of the room. Jeno’s hand on his wrist thightens.

“What do you mean, Haechan?” Renjun whispers back sounding broken. 

“You look like I’m a ghost. Like you don’t really see _me_ when I’m standing right here in front of you!” He can feel tears start to trail down his face. 

“We’re so sorry, Hyuck. We thought you needed time and space. Perhaps we were wrong.” Jaemin and Jeno look at each other, having a silent conversation, shutting him out again. 

“What are you saying? You’re the reason I’ve needed space! You all just changed and I don’t get why! I can’t do anything about it. I don’t even get what is wrong!” He’s breathing is picking up. All of his peers eyes widen even more if possible. Jaemin looks like he lost his breath. Perhaps that’s where Donghyuck got all these extra inhales and exhales.

“I want Mark-hyung, not you who shut me out! Mark!” He shouts the oldest name as he sees him in the kitchen, but the other doesn’t even turn around. Doesn’t give him even a minute of his time. Hyuck has gotten used to this, can in normal circumstances tolerate it as long as they all stay with him, but not right now. He needs his hyung!

“Just let me get to him, he’s right there!” he yells pointing towards the kitchen. Jeno is crying, tightly holding him still with Jaemin’s help. Renjun’s hands are on his cheeks, forcing him to face the older. 

“Sun, I’m sorry, but you know they never made it back from the U.S. We’re even more sorry that we didn’t do anything to stop you from getting this lost.” 

He feels the warmth from his friends hands on him for the first time in weeks but he can’t stop sobbing as his 127 hyngs fade one by one until only Mark is left in the kitchen. Finally he turns towards Donghyuck. He slowly makes his way across the living room. All fight has left Hyuck and all he can do is sit there frozen as the older approach. Suddenly he dreads the moment he’s been wait on for weeks, for Mark to reach him. He feels cold, terrified of what will happen when all the space between them will be erased. 

He can see Mark’s brown eyes. They used to always be warm but no they look like someone put a grayscale filter over them. But the smile is still the same smile he had when they said goodbye in America, sad because of the farewell but just as encouraging as ever. He slowly raises his hand, reaching towards Hyuck’s face but he’s gone before the hand touches Donghyuck’s skin.

**Author's Note:**

> Hyuck imagined the hyungs being there but Mark was the only one constantly rejecting him because not even Hyuck’s imagination or memories could compare to or replace the real thing.
> 
> I’m sorry about this, I don’t know if this was a very clear narrative. Basically 127 without Hyuck crash and he can not cope with that or accept it. Please, any thoughts are more than welcome. 
> 
> I don't know if this even made any sense and I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to post this.


End file.
